Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
