Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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