Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
honey bunches of taint.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
