Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
