She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
