I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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