Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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