You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize