It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
