he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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