i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
