How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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