FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
