id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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