He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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