She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
