A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize