O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
