I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
