I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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