Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
