If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
