I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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