I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
