I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
