i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
