Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
