New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
