whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
