What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
