So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
