this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
