No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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