bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
