Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
