Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
