you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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