The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
should my penis look like a turkey
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
