and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
