So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize