Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
