I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
