sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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