yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
