the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
