Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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