Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
