party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
