I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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