she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
