so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
