You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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