You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
