my sisters under your porch take her home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
