I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
