I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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