your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
