I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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