You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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