think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
