I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
