you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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