it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
