i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
