An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
