Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
