idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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