Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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