The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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