I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
