My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
