The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
